Fish
by llxxRawr its Beansxxll
Summary: Based on 'Clams'. I own nothing.


Derpy is ordering something over at Pinkie's store on Sugarcube Corner, Rarity and Fluttershy doing their best to help their pink friend, due to the large amount of customers.

Derpy: Uhh, what do you like better? The bran muffins or the chocolate chip muffins?

Rarity: I like neither. May I take your order?

Derpy: What about the banana nut muffins? Are they any good?

Rarity: No. What will you have?

Derpy: Well, uh, what's your vote on the vanilla-

Rarity: Ma'am, let's just get this out of the way, please! I am on a diet, and I despise everything on the menu! Now, what do you want?

Fluttershy: (Whispering) Psst, get a cupcake, I mean, i-if you want to.

Derpy: Uhh, I'll get a cupcake.

Rarity: That will be one bit.

Derpy hands her a bit in dollar form.

Rarity: Oh, a dollar bit. How refreshing.

Fluttershy and Pinkie quickly finish the cupcake and give it to Rarity, who gives it to Derpy.

Derpy: Thanks.

A siren goes off in the restaurant.

Fluttershy: Pinkie, what's happening?...Pinkie?

She looks beside her and sees that her friend is gone.

Derpy: What's going on?

Rarity: Something very Pinkie Pie, I'm sure.

Pinkie bursts out of the ceiling with a wide grin on her face.

Pinkie: YIPPEE!

She gallops over and kisses Derpy and Rarity, then grabs the dollar bit and rubs it all over herself.

Pinkie: Whoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-ha, whoo-ha, whoo! Haha!

Rarity: See? I told you.

Fluttershy: What's wrong with Pinkie Pie?

She runs over to the three ponies.

Pinkie: Nothing, Fluttershy! Do you know what this is?!

Rarity: A very dirty dollar?

Pinkie: No! I've just sold my one millionth cupcake! Everypony in my family's goal in life is to sell a million cupcakes, and now I've sold mine! (to Derpy) Congratulations, ma'am! You have just bought my one millionth cupcake!

Derpy: Ha, great! Uhh, what do I win?

Pinkie: Nothing, now get out!

Derpy: Uhh, what?

Pinkie: Get out! Everypony, get out! You're spoiling my moment!

She quickly pushes all the customers out of the store in a fit of randomness.

Pinkie: My millionth bit from my millionth cupcake!

Fluttershy: Congratulations, Pinkie.

Pinkie: Congratulate yourselves, girls! A pony's nothing without her loyal friends! I mean, friends like you come around maybe once in a lifetime! And to reward you for helping me sell my millionth cupcake, I'm taking you on a trip!

Fluttershy: Wow, a trip!

Rarity: I can't believe it, Pinkie! Where are we going? Fancy Springs?

Cut to the ponies in a swimming pool.

Pinkie: No…

Rarity: Pamper Island?

Cut to the three ponies lying on towels at the beach.

Pinkie: Try again…

Rarity: Ooh, ooh, ooh, Ponyville Folk Village?

Cut to the friends in 18th century garb.

Pinkie: Better than that!

The real trip cuts to them wearing raincoats on a boat.

Rarity: Fishing? This is the reward we get for all our hard work? Fishing for stinky fish on a smelly old boat on a filthy lagoon? You call this fun?

Pinkie: Aw, come on now, Rarity. Three ponies at sea with nothing to do but throw their lines in the water, catch a few fish, then throw them back so Fluttershy doesn't get upset. Don't you think that's fun?

Rarity: …No.

She removes her raincoat and sits down on a folding chair.

Rarity: And to think, I could be wearing a powdered wig right now.

Fluttershy: Hey, Rarity, want me to cast out over here so you can watch me?

Rarity: No, thank you, Fluttershy. I'd rather you cast out over there so I can sunbathe, darling.

Fluttershy: Okay.

Fluttershy casts her line behind her and takes Rarity's magazine with it. She then throws it into the lagoon. Then, she casts Rarity's chair.

Rarity: Hey, watch where you're swinging that…!

She catches her mane and rips about half of it off.

Rarity: Ow! Fluttershy, please be careful with…!

Her hook catches on Rarity's flank, just on the edge of her cutie mark.

Rarity: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Rarity walks up to Pinkie, with her mane in a Skrillex haircut, most of her tail missing, and a large, bloodstained bandage where her cutie mark used to be.

Rarity: Okay, I've had enough.

Pinkie: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Oh, Rarity, you've got to lighten up!

Fluttershy is still casting items out of the boat.

Pinkie: Sure, Fluttershy's a bit over eager, but you've got to learn to roll with the punches, go with the flow. And don't bring anything on a boat that you're not prepared to lose! Hahahahahahaha!

The hook somehow manages to get inside Pinkie's saddlebag and hook her millionth bit.

Pinkie: My millionth bit from my millionth cupcake! Fluttershy, wait!

The dollar bill floats on the surface of the lagoon.

Pinkie: Fluttershy, you hooked my millionth bit earned from my millionth cupcake on the backswing! Reel it in before I…!

Ominous music starts in the background.

Pinkie: Oh, no. Fluttershy, quick, reel it in! Can't you hear the music?! That's a 4/4 string ostentation in D minor! Everypony knows that means death! Reel it in before it's too late! Hurry, Fluttershy, the music's getting faster!

While Fluttershy reels it in as fast as she possibly can, Pinkie opens some doors on a boat that reveal the live-action orchestra from My Little Pony playing the ominous music.

Pinkie: There you are, you stinking bilge rats! Stop playing that music! Stop it, please! I'm begging you! (to the dollar bit) Come on, honey, you can make it! Swim faster! Come to me, baby! Come on back! Hurry, Fluttershy!

Fluttershy: Here she comes…

Eventually, she manages to reel in the cash.

Fluttershy: She made it!

Pinkie grabs the dollar.

Pinkie: Haha! For a second or two, I thought she was a goner.

Suddenly, the ominous music starts again, and a giant fish jumps out of the water and snatches the dollar bit right out of Pinkie's hooves. He then disappears under the lagoon.

Pinkie's mane deflates, and she starts to burst into tears right there on the boat.

Rarity: So, some trip, eh Pinkie Pie?

Pinkie: (sobbing) Oh, Rarity, you're never gonna believe it! A giant, blue-lipped, fish-faced, Meanie McMeaniepants ate my millionth bit from my millionth cupcake! (bawling) I lost my bit…and I'll never get it back! Never, never, never, never, never…

Fluttershy: Gosh, I've never seen Pinkie so broken up.

The pink party pony is literally in pieces, crying on the ground.

Rarity: Oh, please, she's such a drama queen.

Look who's talking, Rarity.

Rarity: Come on, Pinkie Pie, drop the act.

Her body parts are still scattered, and she is letting her tears out on the deck of the ship.

Rarity: Pinkie Pie, it's just a stupid dollar bit!

She continues weeping and pours tears into her mouth.

Rarity: For Celestia's sake, Pinkie Pie, suck it up!

Her eyes act as faucets that suck up tears, and then spill them out.

Rarity: Giggle at the ghosties?

Despite her efforts, they do nothing to cheer Pinkie up.

Rarity: Pinkie Pie…

She continues to wail.

Rarity: Alright, alright, Pinkie, we'll help you get your dollar back!

She throws away the human hand that she was sucking the thumb on.

Pinkie: You will?! Great! Wait right here!

She gallops away, then comes back with loads of fishing equipment.

Pinkie: This is where fishing gets serious!

Cut to later in the day, where a still flat-maned Pinkie is on top of the boat, and her two companions are still on the deck.

Pinkie: Okay, you girls man the fishing poles, and I'll keep my eyes peeled for Old McMeaniepants!

Fluttershy: (salutes) Aye aye, captain!

Pinkie: And remember, we don't leave until we catch that fish and rescue my millionth bit earned from my millionth cupcake sold!

She holds a position and holds it.

A while later, Pinkie is still in the scouting position and has been for so long that she has grown a beard and has cobwebs all over her.

Rarity and Fluttershy have identical beards, manning their fishing poles.

Rarity: That's it, I'm finished! We've been here for three days and haven't gotten a nibble! This is hopeless!

Fluttershy: Yeah, and I've got to get home to feed my animals.

Back at Fluttershy's house, Angel and the others are chewing on her furniture.

Rarity: We're going to die out here just because some fish ate Pinkie's stupid dollar bit!

She takes an identical dollar out of her saddlebag.

Rarity: Well, if she wants her dollar back, I say we give it to her? Know what I mean? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Fluttershy: Ohh, I get you.

The two giggle at their evil scheme.

Cut to even later, where Pinkie is still in scouting position.

Rarity and Fluttershy: Oh, Pinkie Pie! Pinkie Pie!

She steers her eyes toward where the two are waving a dollar bit.

Rarity and Fluttershy: Look what we've got!

Pinkie: Could it be?

She grabs the dollar from Rarity as her mane puffs back up.

Pinkie: My millionth bit from…Well, you know what this is! Let's party!

She rubs the dollar all over herself and starts dancing. Rarity and Fluttershy join in the celebration and do a little jig.

Halfway through her dance, Pinkie stops and noticed something odd.

Pinkie: Wait a minute…

She slowly rubs the dollar between her haunches.

Pinkie: This isn't my millionth bit from my one millionth cupcake!

The two ponies look at each other nervously.

Pinkie: This is an ordinary dollar bit that's been crumpled up, torn slightly, soaked in the lagoon, and kissed with Pony Blue #2 Semi-Gloss Lipstick!

Fluttershy: (putting the lipstick on) Actually, it's Pony Blue Number-

Rarity puts a silencing hoof over her mouth.

Pinkie: I trusted you…and you gave me this? I can't believe my own friends would betray me like this!

Her mane deflates once again, and the crying starts back up.

Rarity: No. Uh-uh. No, we will not be swayed by tears anymore.

Pinkie: *sniff* I see. Then I guess I have no choice but to offer a reward.

Rarity: You're kidding?

Fluttershy: Ooh, is it another fishing trip?

Pinkie: No, it's this sandwich.

She starts nailing the sandwich to the mast.

Rarity: A sandwich? You expect me to break my back over a sandwich?

Pinkie: Not _a _sandwich. _The _sandwich.

She throws the other sandwiches into the lagoon.

Rarity: Whatever. We've got plenty more to…

She sinks the refrigerator also.

Rarity: …eat.

Pinkie: Now, I think we understand each other. Nopony eats until I get my millionth bit from my millionth cupcake back!

Rarity: Uhh, Fluttershy, can I have a word with you? Have you noticed that Pinkie Pie has gone COMPLETELY INSANE?!

Fluttershy: What do you mean?

Rarity: Just look at her.

Pinkie is in a black funeral dress and veil, and is crying over a tombstone that reads 'R.I.P. My Millionth Bit from My Millionth Cupcake'.

Fluttershy: Rarity, she's lost something near and dear to her. Haven't you…

Rarity: Look again.

Pinkie is now giggling dementedly while making derped eyes and jump-roping with her own flattened tail.

Fluttershy: You're right. How do we get out of here?

Rarity: If we're real quiet, we can sneak over to the lifeboat.

The two gallop, screaming loudly, and jump into the lifeboats.

Their escape attempt is unsuccessful, however, as Pinkie ties them up and throws them back onto the deck.

Pinkie: So, you thought you'd skip out on old Pinkie Pie, did you? Even after you promised to help me. I know what you're thinking, 'It's just a dumb old dollar bit. Let's just leave the old pony. She won't notice'.

She begins to cry again.

Pinkie: Well, it's not going down like that! There's only one use for backstabbing friends like you!

They are both tied up, back-to-back, and hanging over the ship from Pinkie's fishing rod.

Pinkie: Live bait!

Rarity: Why didn't you fly away when you had the chance?!

Fluttershy: I was so scared.

Rarity: Grr! (to Pinkie) You're crazy! If that fish didn't come before, what makes you think he'll come now?!

Pinkie: Oh, he'll come.

She is dressed up as an orchestra conductor. She opens the doors and begins to direct the orchestra to play the ominous music.

Rarity: Pinkie Pie, listen, we've been friends for a while now, so I know what I'm talking about when I say…YOU ARE COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR MIND!

She cackles evilly as she conducts the dark piece that attracts the fish.

Rarity: Get us out of here!

Pinkie: Come on! Fresh meat!

Rarity and Fluttershy scream as they wiggle back and forth, trying to break free of the line.

Pinkie: Ooh, keep thrashing! He likes it!

They continue to scream and bounce up and down really fast.

Pinkie: Come on, boy! Closer…Closer…Almost there…

You can visibly see the dollar bit on the fish's tongue.

Pinkie: That's it!

She quickly closes the doors and jumps inside the fish's mouth to collect the dollar.

Pinkie: Aha! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Look, girls, I finally got it!

She rubs the dollar on herself.

Pinkie: I finally got my millionth bit from my-

The music starts up again as the clam swallows Pinkie up and drags her down into the lagoon.

Daniel Ingram takes a bow as the doors close.

Fluttershy: Oh, poor Pinkie Pie. Gone forever out of our lives…(wailing) WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN ME?!

Rarity: Yes, I'm too pretty!

They both cry.

Fluttershy: Why did she have to go like this?! Why?!

Rarity: Why did she have to go like this and leave us tied up like this?!

They both cry loudly.

Pinkie: Hi, girls!

Both: …Pinkie Pie?!

Pinkie: Have you girls met…my millionth bit from my millionth cupcake sold? Hahaha!

She holds up the bit with her hoof.

Fluttershy: Wow. How did you get it back?

Pinkie: It wasn't easy. Old McMeaniepants is quite the fighter. So, eventually, we settled on a trade.

Fluttershy: What did you give him?

Pinkie, now just a head and hoof that's holding the dollar, hops onto the deck.

Pinkie: Nothing important! Hahahahahahahahahaha!


End file.
